Dear Black Parents,
As if growing up in today’s society being an African American isn’t already difficult enough, try being an African American female. When society constantly forces you to reevaluate yourself by painting this picture of the perfect photogenic black girl you begin to wonder. Why is my hair so kinky compared to hers? Why is my skin so much darker? Looking in the mirror dreaming of how you can look more like that light skinned beauty on that one TV show or that commercial, we’ve all been there.
Ultimately not fitting in with what society views as beautiful hurts your self esteem, but when your own family makes comments or remarks towards your black skin or your nappy hair it takes a greater toll on your conscious. I remember countless times growing up when my own brother would tease me for being darker than him. He would constantly call me black or make remarks comparing the color of my skin to things like smut or dirt. And the bullying didn’t end there even other kids at school would make fun of my nappy roots, asking why my hair didn’t resemble the other black girls’ around school. I sometimes flashback to those days when I spent hours crying about my features and disliking myself. I also remember the only person who not only comforted me when I was down, but also reassured me I was beautiful was my mother. If anyone knew what I was going through it was her. She taught me to love myself unconditionally without the approval of others. She taught me to be comfortable in my perfectly imperfect skin.
Yes, it’s true the lighter skinned children, teens, and young adults advertised on commercials or on reality TV are beautiful and deserve to be acknowledged by society, but what about the rest of us. Some of us were created average and weren’t meant to be plastered on magazine covers and billboards. That’s what makes people unique in general. I understand that the kinky haired dark skinned child may not appeal to the majority of society as much as the fairer skinned straight haired child, but is that because we lack representation or are we just unappealing? From my point of view I’m certain it’s because of the lack of representation we receive.
According to Cynthia Scheibe as a whole African Americans are only represented in 5.3% of commercials and only 6.2% in popular magazines. With African Americans making up about 13.2% of America’s overall population I’m positive with those numbers not only as a whole are African Americans misrepresented, but for the ones of us who are overlooked we are greatly affected. And as a child not yet understanding fiction from reality, media can be confusing to the mind. Studies show about 50% of children between ages 5 and 12 believe commercials and TV shows represent true life, which as adults we know is false. Not understanding why they don’t see people that resemble their complexion or share their hair texture can be confusing. When children are exposed to false simulations they often begin to compare themselves to what they experience on television. Comparing what their favorite characters on possess to what they lack, which includes everything from flawless looks to material objects. This can take a toll on a young mind so, this is where you ,the parents, step in.
Take in consideration your own personal experience during a similar situation you once had to face in your life. Do as your parents had done or what you imagine could have been done to guide you through a situation similar to this. As the parent you’re there to mentor your child, let them know that they are not alone. If anything sharing your experience with your child will bring you closer and function as a bonding experience. They will ultimately feel that sense of trust between the two of you, in which every parent knows is key in a healthy relationship. Help them understand no one is perfect and there is no uniform way one should look. Exposing your child to media that is relatively similar to them not only according to features but style and culture will also strengthen their self-esteem; I also advise eliminating sources that make them feel less than they are or different in a negative way. Now that they have the feeling of fitting into a group that shares the same things as they do this should boost their confidence and help them embrace their differences, so losing those negative influences won’t matter as much.
As adults we know all African Americans are not light skinned, we make up an array of colors and our hair comes in a variety of kinks and curls. Nevertheless at the end of the day we all make up the black race. I urge you black parents no matter how old your child is or their gender, ensure they know how beautiful they are no matter how dark their skin and the importance they serve no matter what society presents to them. Inform them that television is primarily for entertainment and is designed to satisfy its audiences’ visual wants rather than to portray reality. In addition, I would like to say thank you on the behalf your children for the ones of you who already practice this. And to the ones of you who are not practicing this I hope this letter touches you in some why and encourages you to help your child find peace with their self confidence. You will not only be making your children honor themselves more but you are creating a stronger future generation for our culture.
With love,
Brianna L. Porter
P.S.
If you’re reading this even though you are not black or a parent or maybe you’re a grandparent, just know this letter can apply to any race and/or age group. It’s never too early or too late to practice being a good influence and mentor in someone’s life.